so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you win again, gameday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
