If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
