At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
