I CAN MOONWALK!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
