Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
