naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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