You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
