This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
