I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
