the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
