i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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