i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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