Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
