hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
