just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
