Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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