Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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