I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
