So drunk its hurt
my vag is so smooth its legendary
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
