i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
