The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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