How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
