i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
