Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
