No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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