It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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