its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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