I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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