I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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