They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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