I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I looked at my own cervix.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
