u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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