thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
