hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
