Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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