tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
