it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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