I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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