im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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