If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
