I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
