I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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