i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
