I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
