Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
