if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I heard we made out
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
