2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
