I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
