Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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