I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
